I went to my childhood home recently and picked out 2 random boxes of stuff to bring home. In one of the boxes was about 40 Atari carts, that had not seen the light of day since the 1990s. I decided that the one on the top, Space Jockey, would be my first game that I would renew in the new year. I even had a quickly thought of reason for making it first, I wanted to redeem it.
Redemption! (he screams at the top of his lungs)
Why redemption? Well because I remembered hating this game as a kid. I mean loathing it enough that my copy is in near mint condition. I remember thinking at this tender age, before I was capable of the rudimentary logical and critical thinking I have mastered as an adult, that this game is horribly boring. So in that split second between when my eyes spied the title and the unleashed two decades of old box dust temporarily blinded me, I vowed to play Space Jockey again and to find its strength. To find those strengths and focus on them and in doing so, unleash the awesome fun lurking below the unassuming shell of this U.S. Games’ Vidtec title.
So hear goes…
I think that Space Jockey is gooder then other games because the graphics looks like what they are meant to look like. When I plug the game into the Atari 2600 the game works and when I move my joystick, the thing on the screen which looks like a UFO, which is what they wanted it to look like, moves the way I push it.
That is why this winter break was the best winter break of the winter.
See, I put the cart in and then I don’t remember anything up until last night when I found that review scrawled in crayon on the greasy underside of a pizza box top. I was very confused of course, until I realize that this horrible heap of tedium that was marketed as a game caused a near complete brain reversion (that is a thing — I looked it up on Web MD).
To figure out how that happened, I watched the Nanny cam that I have setup in my office (I don’t trust the guy who works there — I am pretty sure he is stealing from me) and from what I could tell, the game is just you piloting a flying saucer and shooting things. Things that do in fact look like things. And you do that over and over, and I might add, over again. And yes, the stuff does look good, but that is how they get you! You think…Oh this game looks decent, it must be fun. But let me assure you, and I am writing this review from what I believe is my deathbed (brain reversion is almost always fatal), Space Jockey is not only an exercise in tedium, but it may also prove fatal. That is why I can only give the game 1 star.
Note: If I happen to pull through, I might bump that to 2 stars. Those hot air balloons looks soooo real.