Hey Skinny! Yer ribs are showing! or The Retroist Goes to the Beach

Hey Skinny! Yer ribs are showing! or The Retroist Goes to the Beach

Below is a just a scene from my upcoming short autobiographical film, The Retroist Goes to the Beach. Enjoy.


It is warm summer day at the Jersey Shore. The Retroist and his girlfriend Tanya Roberts are frolicking.

The Retroist is wearing a one piece and Tanya is dressed like Kiri in “The Beastmaster.”

The Retroist
Wow, Kiri, I mean Tanya, I am having a great time here at lovely Sandy Hook.

Me too The Retroist. I have never had so much fun. Now lets enjoy our Fried Chicken Picnic.

They sit down and start eating a bucket of fried chicken on a red checkered blanket. It looks very crispy. I am not sure, but it might be extra crispy and not original recipe.

Enter Big Tom Hill — He is named for a Hill but is as big as a Mountain.

Big Tom Hill
Hey Tanya. How you doing? I am Big Tom Hill and I want to enjoy your chicken.

The Retroist
(whining)But this is our chicken feast!

Big Tom Hill
Ha! Settle down Little man. You look warm. How about you take a swim?

Big Tom picks up The Retroist and throws him out beyond the sandbar. Big Tom takes a seat next to Tanya on the blanket. His muscles glow and ripple.

Thanks Big Tom. Looking at that pip squeak made it difficult to eat.

Big Tom Hill
I understand. Weakness is an appetite suppressant. Now prepare for a feast.

He starts flexing and Tanya swoons. They feast.

The Retroist can be seen in the background being eaten by sharks.

Fade to Black

This is a friendly reminder that summer is almost over, but you still have a few weeks to drop the flab and pack on the muscle. Don’t end up like The Retroist — Subscribe to the Charles Atlas Program and you can see results in just 2 weeks.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. vinvectrex

    Bummer about getting eaten by sharks, Retroist. While I’m sure it is perfectly healthy to gain 16 lbs in 14 days, I prefer to do so with McRibs and Chocodiles.

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